Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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