I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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