We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
