i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
