i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
