i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
