once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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