Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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