thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
