apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
