Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
