I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
