you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
