Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
