the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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