In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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