What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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