i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
