omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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