he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
