Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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