I puked a lego.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Boobs speak an international language.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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