omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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