What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
