alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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