Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
