I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
