He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
