I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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