You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
