Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
