So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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