You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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