He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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