I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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