Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
