If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
