Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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