I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In America we eat man semen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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