i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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