Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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