i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
