The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize