hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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