O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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