The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
