Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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