All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
