Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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