Jerry, you need to find god
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
