My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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