Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Pooping to opera.
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