I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
