Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
