im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
