Need sex. Gaining weight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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