Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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