it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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