What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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