I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
