Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
