I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
