They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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