Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
