Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
