So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
