Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
