why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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