His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
