he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
