tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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