Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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