Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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