Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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