You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's get the cat blown out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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