he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
