please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im holly from the hills drunk
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
