If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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