My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
