if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
