Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
