your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize