OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
