Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
